Coaching from the “Inside-Out” — And How You Can Do It, Too
I wasn’t looking for a coach.
When I first met Todd Palmer, we were in a working group through Entrepreneur’s Organization. He was volunteering his time and giving back to the community, something he is passionate about. Todd is an executive coach (and author of one of my favorite books for entrepreneurs), and six months passed before we began any conversations about partnering together.
Todd’s coaching approach centers on the ATV method (which he discusses in his book): authenticity, transparency and vulnerability. Following this method and working from the inside-out is what leads to living a life by design.
Acting from the inside-out is also a fundamental aspect of leadership. Successful leadership in any form requires fully understanding and harnessing your internal motivations, and navigating the conscious and unconscious barriers holding you back. The philosophy behind growing from the inside-out is that what we feel internally is what reflects outwards. It’s what other people experience when they interact with you, and it impacts how you engage with others.
It’s helped guide me in both my professional and personal lives, learning how to be in alignment with myself and how to develop more authentic, genuine connections — and support others as they cultivate these connections, too.
Tip 1: Approach Yourself With Massive Curiosity
You don’t know yourself.
Even if you think you do, take a step back. Surrender for a moment to not knowing and bring curiosity to discovering more about yourself. Why do you have certain wants and goals; what’s most important to you, and what’s non-negotiable? Continue to ask yourself questions about your beliefs and the experiences that have shaped you. What’s made you value certain achievements? What led you to different places in your life, and how have you learned from them?
Think of it as constructing your story, and focus on filling in the gaps that you often ignore. It encourages you to dig more deeply into your beliefs, and can help restructure the way you view your challenges — rather than events that hamper you, they’re moments that have allowed you to grow.
This can help you better communicate yourself, your mission and your values with others.
tip 2: Set An Appointment With Yourself
Treat your wellbeing and efforts to grow with the same rigor and dedication you bring to your work. Set aside time, be it five or 20 minutes, on a regular basis to check in. Making an appointment with yourself can be as simple as going for a walk or run outside, sitting or lying on the floor or somewhere else that’s comfortable, or even taking a shower or bath.
Ask yourself:
What matters most now? Professionally? Personally?
What are my greatest priorities?
What am I avoiding?
Why am I doing/not doing what I’ve stated I want to do?
The more you’re able to be vulnerable with yourself, the more you’ll be able to be vulnerable with others.
Most often to access this vulnerability, I spend time journaling, sometimes with prompts and sometimes just free-writing. I don't re-read the notes until a day or so later, giving myself space to reflect on what I’ve written with a clear mind. It has helped me solve many of my own personal roadblocks. I also like to use walks as an opportunity to access my thoughts: I’ll use the voice notes app on my phone and ramble for the entire duration of the walk.
Setting an appointment with yourself is about creating pattern interruption: interrupting what's going on in your daily routine to process what’s been happening so that you can grow beyond it.
tip 3: Create Intentions
Expectations are externally-guided —they attach meaning, and a feeling of success, to an outcome that we hope will happen. When we’re motivated by expectations, we’re allowing ourselves to be governed by something we ultimately might not be able to control. We’re also focused on what we receive, rather than the journey we take to get there, which erodes opportunities to see failure as instructive. This can fuel a negative loop that makes it harder to reach our goals.
Intentions are internally-guided, with the impetus on the process and what we learn from it. They ask us to consider why certain goals are important and require self-awareness, ultimately establishing more positive results.
tip 4: Practice Self-Care
Self-care and self-compassion are paramount. Investigating what’s holding you back can be difficult — we might have to face memories or patterns that are harder to confront, or we might get frustrated by not feeling like we’re progressing rapidly enough. But as you grow from the “inside-out,” and in all stages of your journey, be kind and forgive yourself.
Self-care can take many forms, from prioritizing physical wellbeing through proper exercise and sleep to connecting with friends and family. It can also look like routine, establishing a schedule that allows you to prioritize what matters — maybe that’s morning workouts or afternoon meditations, or setting time aside for cooking or reading or journaling every evening. Create the space that you need to nourish yourself.
Interested in learning more about inside-out coaching and consulting? I offer coaching and consulting services to both individuals and larger organizations and would be delighted to discuss how we can take your journey to the next level.